How to Learn From Your Anxiety

Do you sometimes feel misunderstood? Like, everything you want to say or communicate just doesn’t connect with what you are trying to get across? Because same.

For me, it seems like when this is happening, it is a never-ending cycle of disappointment and/or hurt feelings. Stress is a tricky emotion that can cause physical tension within your own mind – and/or between you and another individual. 

And nothing brings you more anxiety/stress than when you realize how many uncertainties there are in life. My life stressors are often intertwined with the anxiety I struggle with daily. The amount of time my brain spends preoccupied on hypothetical situations is honestly, embarrassing. While some people respond to these scenarios by trying to control their surroundings to try and achieve their desirable outcome- I am the opposite. I try to control none of it and ‘go with the flow’. 

I feel like while I am in my ‘go with the flow’ mode, I subconsciously end up turning situations, scenarios, and conversations into being all about me, when they are not and should not be. I sometimes look up after a string of situations wondering how I got down this rabbit hole of self-consumption or how I ended up with my ego and feelings so bruised. Especially, when my husband tells me to ‘get off his back’. I immediately get defensive in any scenario and start to retrace my steps at where I went wrong- and therein lies the cycle… I repeat. in my head. every. day. 

So, how do you break the stress/anxiety cycle? By gradually starting to focus your energy on what you can do to help someone else, versus how you can help yourself. Coming from a counseling background, people are complicated. They come with their own baggage- not just from prior relationships but from their childhoods. The environment in which individuals grow up in, is often overlooked. When we feel defeated, have our feelings hurt, egos bruised, etc. it’s easier to point the finger and blame those around us. It is harder to look in the mirror, decide what sort of person you want to be, and work every day to be that person. 

It is hard to remember that you aren’t there to solve everyone’s problems, but instead to be there for them and love them unconditionally. For me, fulfillment comes from shifting my focus from myself to others. You would think I would be better at this, being a counselor during the day- but when it comes to my personal life, this is still a huge struggle for me. Maybe I am not good at communicating my needs, thoughts, emotions, or hopes (my #1 hope is that one day everyone around me will possess the ability to read my mind). 

I don’t hold the magic wand to fixing or resolving everyone’s anxiety, but these techniques typically help me when I am in need. 

1. Daily gratitude journal: There is a great 5 minute journal on Amazon that helps re-frame my mind when I need it. 

2. Deep breathing: I am often called out, because it sounds like I am sighing but for me taking several deep breaths and holding them for a couple of seconds instantly relieves tension. 

3. Historically, I have made people a priority: keeping friend lunch or dinner dates (this has been extremely hard during COVID and so it does feel like I must keep up with people on social media rather than that in person connection).  Now that things are getting back to normal, this has been a happy addition.

4. Podcasts/Audiobooks: When I listen to podcasts or audiobooks that directly correlate to the goals my family has for our future, then I am much more productive than when I am reading non-educational books. 

5. Reminding myself that no situation or emotion is permanent. Even if you are feeling disjointed from a friendship, partner, family member, etc. It doesn’t have to be a permanent feeling/situation.